Marianne Díaz-Hernández

i knew this would be a disaster

–what disaster? you say–

from the first moment our eyes met

in that long hallway

you walked towards me and i know

my smile said all you needed

i knew this would be a disaster

–what disaster? you say–

from those long calls where we said nothing

where we pretended we had stuff to talk about

and filled the long silences with awkward laughter

that said all we needed

i knew this would be a disaster

–what disaster? you say–

from that night when I chose to step away

at two a.m., a mistake i still regret

not making

and i said “i’m going to leave” and you said

“thank you”

and that was

all i needed

i knew this would be a disaster

–what disaster? you say–

from your arms holding me tight

and my body saying your chest was home

–i knew it couldn’t be

and i said it to myself

and tried to make that

all i needed–

i knew this would be a disaster

–what disaster? you say

as you hold on to my waist

and i hold to your neck

like two shipwreck survivors

in the middle of the ocean–

the thing you’re feeling as you read these lines

that

is the disaster.